At 3.24am this morning, I felt defeated. Frustrated. Tired. Cranky. Helpless. I felt anything but the kind of Mama I like to be. Or need to be. I felt out of control and entirely out of my depths. And a self confessed control freak like myself, struggles hopelessly at times like these.
I think it's important for me to realise that sometimes things don't go to plan. They don't make sense. I cannot change or reason with them. Sometimes things are what they are. When friends or family tell stories of weeks, months, even years of sleep issues with their children, I listen sympathetically. I nod with knowing and understanding. But I don't truly understand. The truth is, we have been pretty lucky in the area of sleep, with our boys. So when patches of repeated restless nights or sleep deprivation are presented to me, I don't mind admitting, I find it difficult to cope. Apart from feeling crabby, slow, uncoordinated and insular the next day, there is the customary Mama guilt that is just part of the territory.
Scott and I will work through this testing period, as we always do. We will arm ourselves with patience and confidence, because we are the parents and our boys are the children. We should always remember we have the upper hand. There will be some short term pain, for a whole lot of long term gain. Angus will sleep through the night in his bed again. He will learn to go back to sleep when he wakes from a dream and he will accept that this is the way it has to be. It is our job to set the boundaries and to follow them through. And we will.