Better Days

The last 24 hours have been rough. In fact the past two days feel like one long nightmare. It started with a phone call from day care yesterday afternoon. Felix was running a high fever and extremely listless. He's had a nagging cough for weeks now, but it wasn't getting him down, other than being a bit restless at night. When I picked him up he was nothing like the bright, cheerful little babe I know and love. I felt bad. Really bad. Mother guilt soaring, as I tortured myself for leaving him and going to work. I had no idea he would spike a fever during the day and yet irrationally I blamed myself for not being there for him when it did.

The entire way home, I checked on him in the rear view mirror. Looking for any signs of improvement. Or deterioration. He seemed weak and uncomfortable. It's one of the hardest, most challenging things that face us Mama's, watching our babies suffer. Not being able to do anything to help, is even harder. By the time we arrived home, the fever had returned and his little face and body were on fire. He didn't want to be anywhere other than resting on my chest, nuzzled into my neck. After 2 hours of no success in bringing his fever down, I made an executive decision to get him to hospital. The next 4 hours were spent perched on a back breaking chair in the waiting room of the Children's Hospital, while Felix slept on me. At around midnight, we finally saw a doctor, who confirmed he has a viral infection, requiring a course of anti-biotics. I'm a tad cautious of anti-biotics for the littlies and although this is the first time either of the boys have ever taken them, whatever it takes to bring back my healthy happy boy, is ok with me.

It was a physically and emotionally harrowing night. Tired, exhausted and still in my work clothes, I watched as babies and children streamed through the emergency doors. Parents and grandparents with worried expressions and drawn faces. All looking much how I was feeling. When we finally walked through the front door at home, I was wrecked. I hadn't eaten or drunk anything since lunch time at work, over 12 hours before. And I felt ill. Within an hour, I was ill. Violently ill. It seems the lunch I'd eaten all those hours ago gave me food poisoning. I hated throwing up as a little girl and that dread is no different now. Today has been in a word... horrendous. No work, no daycare or preschool, just a sleepy babe, nauseous Mama and a wound up three and a half year old, who just wanted "to go somewhere!" Thank heavens for Scott being able to break out of work in the early afternoon, to come home and take Angus to the park, while Felix and I slept off our woes. We're both looking quite lack lustre this evening. Snuggled up on the lounge, resting our weary bodies. But we're on the road to recovery and looking forward to better days ahead.