Animal

Since Angus was first able to focus, he has had a strong preoccupation with vacuuming. As a wee tot, he was wary, in a nervously excited kind of way. He'd run and scramble onto the lounge, taking his favourite toys with him... or sometimes the first toys he could grab. Creating himself a panic room of sorts, just in case the vacuum took over the house for a prolonged period. At least he would have plenty to play with, bunkered down on the lounge. As he grew, so did his confidence and fascination with the vacuum. It is now one of his favourite things to do, when helping around the house. Though I doubt he sees it as a chore.


My faithful old vacuum started gradually deteriorating a while ago. Originally a hand-me-down from Mama and a good little work horse while it lasted. This week it made way for a brand spanking newbie in the ranks. The DC35 'Animal', by Dyson. I've taken a leap of faith in purchasing a rechargeable vacuum. I only hope it doesn't end up catching me short as often as my camera and mobile phone do. But it's just so pretty and clever and compact and nifty.


The 20% discount at the MYER pre-Christmas sale also came in handy... AND the free children's Dyson thrown in. Angus was beside himself with eagerness, to get it home and give it a whirl. The box boasting a vacuum that 'really picks up'. Except Mama didn't realise it requires batteries. Four of them... and the large ones. So there was much disappointment when it was pulled from the box and didn't work. When will I ever learn to check these things while we're still at the shops. 

Carnation Milk

For a while now, I've noticed a slight shift in Angus' 'eat-everything-on-the-plate' approach to food. It's a culture shock for me, as he's always been a top eater. I never had to deal with picking or fussing when it came time to start him on solids, because he literally tried and devoured the works. If this is the beginning of receiving a taste of my own medicine, I'm in trouble. I was a majorly fussy eater. Food needed to be sliced, diced or mashed in a certain way. As well as visually appealing, with an appetising aroma. I loved my Mama's cooking, but would rarely eat meals prepared by anyone else. When I was ten, I spent some time in hospital after a bad car accident and I can distinctly recall sending the breakfasts back each morning. Insisting I would only eat my Mama's scrambled eggs. Hospital food I guess, but what a little pest!

The finicky tastes didn't just stop with food. I also refused to drink milk. My poor Mama persisted and battled, but to no avail. Wouldn't drink the stuff. Still don't for that matter. This I have always attributed to the doctor's advice for my parents all those years ago. They recommended I be given carnation milk (evaporated milk) as a substitute. Rather sweet kind of substitute for a one year old baby, to my way of thinking. Could explain my penchant for all things sugary. But I know it explains my love of carnation flowers. Those crinkly, soft petals and delicious scent remind me of the carnation milk tin, every time.

Pretty pot of creamy carnations, bought for me, by Mama, 

last week... just because.

Freeze Frame

Sweet serenity. Our little piece of paradise, on a sunny Monday morning. Right here, in these moments, the rest of the world feels a million miles away. Far from the hum of the big city we call home. I often marvel at this vast coastline, just a few short steps from the hustle and bustle of the big smoke. No time limits, restrictions or worries... with the exception of which plump, juicy piece of fruit to eat next... the strawberries always seem to disappear first, just quietly.

Soft, gentle, bubbly waves. Pint sized and perfect, washing in over rounded, chubby knees. Depositing precious shells and rocks, of all descriptions upon the shore. Generous tufts of fresh seaweed, floating effortlessly back and forth, with the changing tide. Until I learnt of it's cleansing properties, I didn't care much for seaweed. Now, it's presence on our beaches reassures me. Working naturally to purify the crystal waters we enjoy. An atmosphere, far more relaxed than the neighbouring surf beaches it's nestled between. This one is a rare beauty to behold. If I could bottle these warm, shiny days with my cheeky boys, I would. But instead, I'm content to freeze frame them, as best I can.

This fragile life

This evening, while we were tucking into our Saturday night pizza, there was an almighty crash outside our front door. We have no front yard, the door opens onto a narrow footpath, then the road. We could see outlines of people through the frosted glass of the door. We could hear the commotion. I opened the door to find a young girl slumped in the gutter, right outside. Blood dripping from her chin and a number of different cuts and grazes all over her body. A push bike lay mangled next to her. A young boy, standing next to her, looking wide-eyed, pale and a tad frightened. Within moments, my neighbour was also by my side, as were a congregation of other neighbours and onlookers.

I find situations like that surreal. Everyone bumbling around, confused, concerned, unsure of what to do next. We established she'd lost control of the bike at the top of the hill and careered into our security door. In tears and shaking, her only apparent worry... that her mother did not know she had ventured so far from home. A tale as old as the hills... I think we've all been there at one time or another. So my queasy stomach took a beating, as my neighbour and I helped her off the street, cleaned up the wounds and waited for her Mum to arrive. There were so many cuts and way too much blood for my liking. Angus was also strangely fascinated, asking dozens of questions about the "girl who fell off her bike". I'm sure she'll be sore and sorry, but so lucky it wasn't alot worse. 

I've been in a rather reflective haze today anyway. Beautiful sweet Kayla passed away on Thursday and since my sister-in-law broke the news to me yesterday, I have battled to think of anything else. Particularly if my hands are not busy and my mind is alone to ponder. So many emotions rising to the fore. Anger, at why this cruel world allows such things to happen. Guilt, at my overwhelming thankfulness for my two healthy boys. Sorrow, so deep and raw, it hurts. Children are made up of all things innocent and good and hopeful, they make life worth living. As long as I live, I know I will never understand why they are sometimes taken so soon. Precious little Kayla will at least suffer no more. I like to imagine she is free now, at peace and in the arms of the angels.

News

It arrives in all manner of ways. In the dead of night and at the break of day. A message across the miles, as a grand declaration or through a comforting embrace. It shocks and excites us, inspires and destroys us. And without invitation, most times it just happens. Without warning or mercy. The nature of news is a funny thing, because few things in life can lift to dizzying heights one minute and plunge to the depths of despair in the next. Instantaneously. News is one powerful medium.


Friday is Angus' news day at preschool. I only realised this a couple of weeks back, when he began requesting to take various items along with him. As the weeks have gone by, his enthusiasm for Friday news day has gained momentum. He talks passionately about it on and off throughout the week. Considering different items and experiences carefully. Then chooses one he deems to be most newsworthy and runs with it. He is utterly adorable when in news mode. His teachers relay the details of his efforts to me each Friday afternoon and it fills my soul with glorious nourishment. I'd seriously love to be a fly on the wall during the preschool kiddies news sessions. He took along his Cars DVD and a little figurine today. Apparently he did really well. Confident and bursting with verve as he delivered the brief of his beloved Cars movie, to his friends and teachers.


Then there is the news that blindsides us. News we don't want to hear. Today I received a piece of this kind of news. There is nothing I can say, nor anything I can do, because whichever way I look at it, it's just completely devastating. While my intentions were for this post to be a lighthearted one about preschool news and all things lovely, sometimes reality creeps in and flatly refuses to take a back seat. So my mood is solemn and my heart, heavy and broken, for a family who did nothing to deserve a tragedy, that is now their news to tell. News no one should ever have to be the bearer of.

Five noticeable things

Beautiful Mama Sonia over at Love, life and hiccups, has nominated me to take part in this fun version of the versatile bloggers awards, thank you Sonia. So here they are... Five things you might notice about me if you met me in real life.


My height - At 5ft 10inches (178cm), I'm fairly tall. Add to this height, the fact I have a love of all shoes with a whopping heel. Stilettos, wedges, platforms... I've done them all. I can run, jump and dance all night in heels. Kinda silly when I'm already a bit of a bean pole.


My wonky-near-non-existent-eyebrow - My left eyebrow is partially missing. Partly because I pluck it to within an inch of it's life, but partly because I had a rather large freckle (ok, mole) removed from it a few years ago, which has completely skewed the hairs, so they sprout off at all angles. It is seriously easier just to pencil the brow in... much like the lovely Shar at Mum on the Run.


I enjoy a chat - Apparently I started talking early, something silly like 12 months of age. It's fair to say, I haven't stopped for breath since. Every school report on record mentioned my tendency to chit chat and in high school, it actually used to get me into a bit of trouble. This talent has followed me through life and I will literally strike up a conversation with anyone... which has also been known to get me into trouble. If I meet up with a fellow talker/s, there is no such thing as a 'quick' chat.


I don't wear earrings - in fact my ears have never been pierced. My Dad was super strict when I was younger and wouldn't allow me to have them done. By the time I could make the decision for myself, I didn't want to anymore. Now I'm so used to life without them, I don't know what I'm missing out on. Though I do sometimes think I could be working more diamonds and precious gems into my jewellery collection if I wore earrings.


I do things quickly - I'm built with a mad propensity to rush, hurry, get things done. I walk fast, eat fast and as per point 3, often talk fast. Something I am trying to modify, because really it can't be good for me. I actually don't even realise I'm doing these things most of the time, until someone brings it to my attention.


Now, to pass the baton on to 5 other gorgeous bloggers out there, who may choose or choose not to take part. Totally up to them, no pressure lovely ladies.


Cherie @ A Baby Called Max
Shar @ Mum on the Run
Wendy @ In Wendy's World
Jody @ Lemon Rhodes
Sandra @ Chaos, kids, crochet and cake

Rain & Lightning (McQueen)

Aaaaaand exhale. As previously established, rainy days are not my forte. I can appreciate them in the middle of Winter, if we're sick and slow and lacking vigor. But on days when the old body clock is set to Summer time, we're full of energy, excitement and expectation... a rainy day indoors is a challenge. So I approach it in blocks. Little chunks of the day accomplished like a milestone. Until the day is done and put to rest and all that is left is hope for the next day to be a more agreeable one.


Today it bucketed down, it poured relentlessly, it was cold and dark. But despite a few battles and the odd Mexican standoff, we got through. I introduced Angus to a fond childhood game that my sister-in-laws played with me. Our long, thin house is perfect for What's the time Mr Wolf? Which is just as well, as once Angus had a taste for the wickedness of it, we played no less than 40 rounds. Worked up a good deal of sweat and burnt plenty of energy too. I always love when children really like something, they thrash it with unbridled enthusiasm. Felix squealed with delight and joined in with the chase each time.


We did play dough, drawing (in Felix's case, all over himself!), devoured a truck load of fruit (must have been all the running up and down the house) and sought satisfaction in every Mama's best friend, Disney Pixar. Angus has a slight obsession with the colourful characters from Cars 2. He loves the movie and thanks to my Mama and one of my brother's has almost everything that opens and shuts in Cars paraphernalia. Again, he has thrashed the Cars 2 dvd, but until today, hadn't seen the original Cars. What perfect timing that he should receive the dvd from my brother yesterday. A piece of gold for Mama, who may or may not have dozed off for a lazy hour in the middle of the movie, while Felix also slept. These rainy days indoors as a stay-at-home Mama aren't all that bad, really.

Poor quality photos due to dodgy stand-in camera... nothing to do with the photographer. 

I scream

Here comes the rain again. There goes the sun. With it, the warmth, the sparkle, the spring in my step. The joy I get from sunshine and heat, is so physical, it can almost be touched. I know I bang on about it... often. Though after a run of beautiful Summery days, the gloom and darkness today presented, was all a bit too much. Add to this, a cranky, loud, 16 month old, from the precise moment he woke. And yet again, a broken camera. Yet again, a lens error. Yet again, it will take up to a month to repair. So I'm without my favourite appendage and back to the old, OLD faithful, clunky, not so snazzy camera, for a few weeks at least.

But amongst all the drear, this misery guts found some magical highlights. My new bright red pants. These babies are redder than red hot. Fabulously festive too. Wearing them made me feel extra funky today. Visiting my parents and having a good old chinwag with my Mama, whilst the boys ran amok played. Embracing the disgustingly cold, rainy, Wintery conditions, by donning my luxuriously cosy Ugg boots (which HAD been put away until next Winter). And because I needed an indulgent mood lift, a couple of generous scoops of Bulla Creamy Classics Boysenberry ice-cream. I'm pretty sure this is a new flavour too. I make it my business to know all the flavours on offer in the supermarket and hadn't seen this one before. Full cream, rich veins of boysenberry rippled throughout. Deeeeelicious. 

Training Paddock

Whenever I begin exercising, after an extended period of inactivity, I always have the same thought. How on earth did I allow myself to let the fitness levels slide. It seems to start with illness. This most recent lull in exercise started that way and from memory so did the lull before that. Though a multitude of excuses enter my mind stretching way beyond health. Poor weather or tiredness or lack of spare time. At the end of the day, they are all just excuses.

Three out of the last four days I've made a concerted effort to get back into it. An 8km walk on Friday, to build endurance. Then on Saturday and this morning, back onto my training paddock of choice... the beach. Six laps (3km) in dry sand. Not endeavouring to break any records or prove anything. Just solid, consistent, running. The improvement to my mindset is incredible. I can only liken it to a wound up spring when I don't exercise. Forever being pushed and ready to release, at any given moment. Exercise certainly doesn't make everything perfect, but it goes a long way towards a positive outlook on things. Clear perspective is a powerful tool for mind AND body. 

And of course, I need as much inner (and outer) strength as possible, to keep up with my two rascals. My word they are like true partners in crime these days.

Triple-choc Brownies

I blame supermarkets and the good people at Cadbury for the sweet treat I baked today. If they insist on continually having 2 for $5 on 200g blocks of chocolate, then I'm going to keep buying them. The fridge seems to be perpetually stocked with a tower of Cadbury deliciousness. And whilst we have become extremely proficient at resisting temptation to randomly snack, my urges to bake with the stuff are not quite so controlled.

So when I saw this irresistible treasure while flicking through none other than The Women's Weekly COOK book, my desire to throw some of that surplus chocolate into a yummy baked good was just too great. This is one of the simplest, yet most delicious, recipes I've ever tried. Melt-in-the-mouth texture, smooth, rich flavours and those cheeky little surprise chunks of white and milk chocolate dotted throughout. Just. scrumptious. 

In fact they're so good, an interesting piece of trivia about them has been added in a side column next to the recipe. Apparently, this humble brownie is the most popular item ordered from The Women's Weekly test kitchen catering service. In a single year, nearly 30,000 brownies are consumed by staff at the Sydney office of Australian Consolidated Press. Piggy grunters, indeed.

Triple-choc Brownies

125g butter, melted

200g dark eating chocolate, melted

1/2 cup (110g) caster sugar

2 eggs, beaten lightly

1 1/4 cups (185g) plain flour

150g white eating chocolate, chopped coarsely

100g milk eating chocolate, chopped coarsely

Preheat oven to moderate (180/160 degrees fan forced)

Lightly grease and line deep 19cm-square cake pan with baking paper

Combine ingredients in large bowl

Spread mixture into pan

Bake about 35 minutes or until mixture is firm to touch

Cool in pan

Take me to the water

Some days are just a precious gift. Today was one of those days. Sitting on the warm sand. Rich, aqua-blue ocean lapping at our toes. Watching my boys gleefully bouncing from building castles to munching on fresh fruit to throwing themselves into waves. Spending time together, as a family, doing not very much at all, other than being. Living a nice, simple, fulfilling life by the sea. It is no secret that I am governed by the sun and whatever it decides to do. When it's out and glowing, so am I. Time by the water, has a similar effect. Days like these, I could hit the repeat button and play them out again and again and again.

Reunited

The twists and turns of life never cease to amaze me. Up and down and around she goes. Doors close in one direction, only to open in another. Keeping us alert, fresh and alive. Just four short months ago, I was tackling yet another momentous step on the Mamahood journey... returning to work. I know I wrote about it often, as it plagued my thoughts so much of the time, towards the end of my maternity leave. Then, the resilience of body and mind worked itself into a rhythm of sorts. Sometimes highly dysfunctional, but a rhythm all the same. But the shifting tides altered the flow once again and delivered me right back where I started. Though this time, the change is welcome. It's the change I've always wanted, if the truth be told.


Felix and I were reunited this week. I was blissfully reminded of those precious days, while Angus was at preschool, before my return to work in July. I was never ready, nor at peace with the decision to go back to the workforce. Just did what had to be done. As much as I may grumble and whinge and carry on about the enormity of Mamahood, I. love. it. Spending quality, one-on-one time with my baby cannot be surpassed, by anything else. So over the course of our two days together, we strolled the shops and made a start on our Christmas loot. Stocked up on groceries for the week. Walked 8km with my wonderful friend Amanda and her gorgeous little lady (and chatted our way through a lovely lunch under the trees). We soaked up sunshine and enjoyed each other's company.


And I couldn't help but feel a smidgen like Thelma & Louise, when we dropped Angus off, turned around, walked back out the doors and jumped in the car. Felix's squishy little face somewhat perplexed for a few moments. Looking at me with those big brown eyes, as if to say, "I think you may have forgotten something Mama". No more tear drenched, emotionally draining drop off's. No more twisting, kicking and thrashing as I hand him over for the day. And no more broken hearts each time he is peeled from my chest. For now, you will cruise with Mama, my sweet baby, where you belong... you and all of your 1001 facial expressions.

Mr Attitude

Some days, I feel that Angus is (almost) four going on almost fourteen. I appreciate there is a great deal going on in his beautifully enquiring mind at this age. Not to mention discovering a greater awareness of his own physicality. Understanding how it all goes together must be challenging for him. I try to be empathetic and patient and 'pick my battles' as it were. However, of late I am finding it increasingly difficult to bite my tongue. And I definitely don't enjoy being this way. At all. It's tiring and stressful and a bit soul destroying. Because I love this little man more than words can say.

There are times when I'm blown away by the firm grasp he has of the world around him and other times, I'm staggered at how irrational his behaviour can be. He can turn on a dime. Stubborn, bossy and excruciatingly self righteous. He grumbles and complains, always in a whiny, drawn out, high pitched, nasal tone. A regular Mr Attitude, about everything and with everyone. 

BUT, when Mr Attitude takes time out from such high intensity behaviour, I'm left with a kind, warm, caring, inquisitive, gentle, witty, polite and loving form of an (almost) four year old. THE best one I could wish for. And I guess at the end of the day, this phase he is going through is a learning curve for all of us. We'll get there yet. 

Ottoman Love

Living in a narrow terrace, it's no surprise we're rather limited for space. So it's important to be discerning with the space we do have. Utilisation is the key and I seem to have only just realised this recently. Last week I finally farewelled a decidedly bulky, ugly, inefficient and somewhat hazardous book shelf. One that lived with us in four different places, for over ten years. And with Scott as it's saviour, it hung on for dear life, until now. For the past two years, the lack of storage space for the toys has bothered me. Strewn from one end of the house to the other, they literally started taking control of our living quarters. Very uncomfortable and extremely frustrating.

I studied and searched for the best possible solution for two areas in our living room. Then when I stumbled across storage ottomans, I knew they would be perfect. And they are. Not only do they house a huge proportion of the toys, but also double as casual seating (of which we were also lacking in our living area). Angus thinks they are THE best things since sliced bread and has requested a number of times to sleep on the larger one at night. Being the same length as him, I'm sure he believes it was custom made just to suit his lanky little body. Whilst they weren't custom made for Angus, I did make the selection of colour and texture with the boys in mind. Dark, dark and dark. I would have loved to go with some of the gorgeous shades and patterns available, but in the end they needed to be practical, with 2 boys diving and jumping up on them day in, day out. I went with a lovely deep, rich brown colour, made from a hardy fabric. The cushions also deisgned for plenty of use (and just so happened to be on sale). Generally the cushions end up on the floor as part of a major work of forts and cubby houses anyway. 

So the ugly old book shelf and a rickety old coffee table that used to reside under the stairs, flanked in toys, made way for the ottomans. Ending up on the street, ready for the bi-annual council clean-up. Though to my pleasant surprise, not long after I left them there, a young couple pulled up and loaded them both into the back of their ute. One woman's trash and all that.

Thank You Giveaway Winners

What a scorcher today has been. Can't say I mind, as I love the heat. Low humidity is even better. I also love that with high temperatures, we have an extra supply of chubby bubby sweet rolls of skin on display. There are few things I find more adorable than a babe in just a nappy. Except maybe two little guys, straight out of the bath, fresh as a daisy and uber keen to help their Mama with her first ever giveaway draw. In fact, they were so excited, they wanted to keep drawing names. And so did I! If only I had a thank you gift for every lovely comment I received on my blogoversary post, that would be awesome. But this maiden giveaway has whet my appetite for future giveaway ideas... so please watch this space, because I like this giving business.


So first up, with uncontrollable enthusiasm from Angus, we have Emma from Frog, Goose & Bear who wins the Heart of the Home pack. Next, we have Jody from Lemon Rhodes, who wins the For the love of stationery pack (Felix was pretty proud of himself picking this one Jody). Finally, we have shhh... it's Lizeylou who wins the Have fun and relax pack. I am so happy to be sending these out to you gorgeous ladies, please email me your address and I'll pop them in the mail asap... and thank you to everyone who went into the running also. 

Chocolate Nut Clusters (no bake)

It's been a bit of a baking drought around here. Which isn't such a bad thing, as if the goodies are there, like little piggies, we'll eat them. Then today, I felt the all too familiar urge to create something sweet. Which ultimately led to Scott and I gobbling up lots of chunky clusters. Yep. Piggies are we. 

Not surprisingly, this is yet another scrumptious selection from the Women's Weekly COOK book. And so super easy to prepare, it can be whipped up in a flash. No bake is always a great option in the summer months. No need to turn the house into a sauna running an oven for hours. But the beauty of this one is the taste, oh, the taste. I'm a big fan of pistachio and almonds, love a sultana or two and Cadbury Dairy Milk is a staple food source in my diet. So this recipe was always going to be a winner in my book. Be tempted and Enjoy!

Chocolate Nut Clusters

1/4 cup (35g) shelled unsalted pistachios

1/4 cup (35g) slivered almonds

1 cup (150g) milk chocolate melts, melted 

(I used 200g Cadbury Dairy Milk, because it's yummy and 

there can never be enough chocolate in sweet treats... 

dark or white chocolate would also work beautifully)

1/2 cup (80g) sultanas

Line tray with baking paper

Heat small saucepan or frying pan; roast nuts; 

stirring constantly until browned lightly (take care not to scorch nuts as they burn easily)

Remove nuts from pan

Place chocolate in small heatproof bowl; 

place bowl over small saucepan of simmering water, stirring until chocolate melts

Stir nuts and sultanas into chocolate

Dropped heaped teaspoons of chocolate mixture onto tray

Refrigerate uncovered, until chocolate sets

For a festive twist, use white chocolate, halved red glace cherries and sprinkle clusters with desiccated coconut... YUM!

Sparkle & Shine

We were unintentionally swept up in a wave of Christmas today. Our local Westfield saw the arrival of none other than Saint Nic himself. Plus a grand parade of festive characters. Singing, dancing and all kinds of glitz and glamour. It was actually quite impressive for a shopping centre effort. As expected, the display attracted hundreds upon hundreds of squealing, jumping, hyperactive children, which of course was how we were drawn to the action. Angus was enthralled. It seems he no longer holds an unnatural fear of the man in red, as he fidgeted and questioned "where is Santa Mama... when is he getting here?" 

Felix, on the other hand, was not so taken with the fanfare. Even though he was contributing to the noise with his trademark screech, it ended up turning into more of a cry, then a wail, then a full blown meltdown. A combination of tiredness and crowds and Santa's helpers with their high pitched voices, will do that to a 16 month old. For me, it was anything but relaxing, as I juggled Felix on my hip, while keeping an eagle eye on Angus constantly. He tried valiantly to duck and weave his way to a position up the front on the red carpet. It was nice to see the Christmas spirit alive and well at our local, even if it seems like we just celebrated Christmas and it's a good 7 weeks away and I am totally not. even. close. to being ready for it.

Could have kicked myself that I didn't have the camera on me, for the ample photo opportunities. Next time. Instead a pretty picture of a farewell gift I received from some lovely work friends yesterday. What a beautiful bunch they are to organise such loveliness. Unfortunately as hard as I tried, I couldn't do justice to the gorgeous pendant with my amateur photography skills. But it sparkles and shines in the flesh and I'll treasure it always.

End of an Era

In April 1999, I had two choices. To accept a job offer with Westpac bank or a job offer with an investments management company. I weighed up the options, pro's, con's and the rest. I chose the latter. At 20 years of age, I didn't know a great deal about anything finance related. But I had a good feeling about the job I was choosing. If someone had told me 12 and a half years ago, that I would see the things I've seen, do the things I've done or meet the people I've met, I would barely believe them. Because that's what big decisions do. Change your life.

Today, I walked through the big glass doors and into the afternoon sun, for the last time. No longer an employee. No longer employed. What a surreal and slightly liberating feeling. The opportunities I have received, the experiences I have embraced, the friends I have made. I owe it ALL to the chance I took on that investments management company, so many moons ago. And although I wasn't especially sad to leave, I did feel an incredible sense of nostalgia for everything it has been to me. The long hours and subsequent stress over the years, fade to insignificance now. Only the good times and wonderful people are remembered. And there were many.

From this point on, I'm elated by the fact that I am officially a full time stay at home Mama. I am so very fortunate to be able to choose this path for myself and my family. I have of course, painstakingly reviewed and considered my options yet again, much like that wide eyed 20 year old all those years ago. It is quite the dream come true to be able to focus my full attention on the boys and also to take a step back from the only world I've known for most of my adult life. Looking forward to future pursuits and where they may lead, is also an exciting prospect. As one door closes and marks the end of an era.

Rituals

For me, so much about mamahood is ritualisitc. I'm a big one for routine and as a result, so are the boys. If we vary from the routine, there is potential for things to go awry. And sometimes, this can't be helped, naturally. With the onset of hot, sultry temperatures and sun shiny days, the beach has been calling us, regularly. This week we've spent two crazy mornings on the sand... and for the most part, frolicking in the ocean. I do a little less frolicking and more of the on duty life guard role. Felix is fearless and I can already see that he will be affectionately dubbed this way as he grows bigger and even more adventurous. He carries little of the trepidation his older brother does (and always has), charging headlong into powerful waves and getting bowled over. Gasping with laughter and excitement as the water draws back out to sea, dragging his chubby hands and legs deeper beneath the sandy surface. Afraid? Not a bit.


These days on the coast are a part of the ritual. I can only describe them as being the same, but different. Fun and happiness, mixed with effort and tension. It is seriously hard work being responsible for two small humans, in a place so lovely, yet one that can be unpredictable and dangerous. But we keep going back and no doubt, always will.


Of all the rituals I have as a Mama, my favourite would have to be bedtime. The method may be unconventional and fly in the face of everything the books tell us not to do, but it works for us. That speaks volumes to me. Last night, as I sat on the lounge, Felix snuggled into my chest after demolishing his bottle. I experienced the inner peace, so often felt at the end of the day. Angus lay next to me, my free hand in his and gently drifted into sweet slumber. There are days, nights, weeks, months, when Mamahood is all a bit groundhog day. Then there are the evenings, when my boys are close and cuddly and needing me as much as I need them. And ALL is ok in my world.