There is something that has been nagging at me for a few weeks now. If I'm being totally honest, it has nagged at me for alot longer. More like, Oooo, say 6 months. As much as I wanted to avoid it. Tried to avoid it. Thought of every possible scenario in my power to avoid it. I can't. In approximately two and a half months, I am returning to work. Sure, it's only for 2 days a week, but in my book, that is two too many. If it weren't for the back breaking mortgage we are paying off, staying at home full time would certainly be achievable. But the back breaking mortgage is for our home, the place we live. The land that one day, we hope to call our very own and not the bank's.
My return to work this time around will be tinged with double the emotion, leaving both of my boys. One week after Angus turned 1, I went back for 2 days a week. Except back then, I was lucky enough to leave him with his loving Nana & Pop, my Mama & Dad. I am more grateful than I could ever express for them doing this for us. I know it was a big ask of my parents, with early starts and late finishes (even though they would never say it and did thoroughly enjoy having their youngest grandchild at their house every week for 18 months). But the circumstances are different this time and everything is going to change. And that's good. I guess. Change is good. Just not always accepted well by me.
I have been worried about the day care centre Felix will go to. Making sure it is of the highest standard is imperative. Arranging to get into one close by where I work is important. Then of course, actually getting a placement is a fight and a half. So today, when I received the call from the number 2 choice on the list, confirming indeed they have a spot for Felix, starting in July, I should have been happy. In a way, I was. Though relieved is probably a better word for it. The other part of me (the not so relieved part) shrivelled with sadness. I can't believe I have to part with my gorgeous little baby for 2 whole days a week, all for just the interest portion of our monthly mortgage payment. But this is our choice. It is what we do to ourselves living in Sydney. It is the sacrifice we make. For this, I can't be dwelling on the negative aspects, rather looking at the positives. I won't get through the next few months and beyond any other way.