Today was Angus' first official day of preschool. It went pretty well. Though I think it is going to be a little rough for a while. I cried. AGAIN. Not in front of him today. But as soon as I walked out the gate, my throat constricted and the all too familiar salty discharge filled my eyes. I felt an unmistakable sense of emptiness as I drove away. It felt too easy, too lazy almost, having to handle just the one baby. It's only been seven months and already I've forgotten what it's like to be a one child woman.
So with my new found "freedom" (so everyone keeps informing me), I hit the local Baker's Delight, to select a tasty array of goodies. Not all for myself. I may have been miserable, but comfort eating only gets me so far. Instead I took them straight to a friend's place, to share over a few laughs and a nice catch up with some great mates. The four of us, each with a babe under one year, take every opportunity to get together when we can. It's always good therapy and today it was just the ticket for me. A few hours with the gals eased me through the first day without my little man.
Of course, I was the first parent to arrive for pickup. I had little doubt I would be. I was SO excited to see him and I think the feeling was mutual. He literally jumped at me, very nearly bowling me over from my kneeling position. With that, I felt whole again. I know it will get easier with time and who knows I might even look forward to sending him on his merry little way one day. But for now, I'll be the first mama hen to arrive at the gate for pickup each afternoon.
So today I am thankful for a great many things. For wonderful friends, who are always there and take the sting out of arduous moments. For Baker's Delight, who bake just about the best spinach & feta twists and choc mud scones I've ever tasted. For my second born, Felix Andrew, who gives me joy and hope in the fact that he's only a baby and I still have a few years left to nurture, cherish and smother him with love, before he heads off to preschool. And for the little preschooler called Angus, who's contagious sparkle never fails to bring light into my life. Now, even more than ever.