Friday, June 29, 2012


We really struggle with the sleep routine here. I've lost track on when it all started going wrong. But I know it's been a while. I openly admit my method of getting the boys to sleep could be to blame. I did the same with Angus, as I'm doing with Felix. Cuddling and comforting until he drifts off, then transferring him to the cot. Most nights it works and everyone is happy. Not last night. Last night the bedtime routine very nearly broke me. And after one hour and forty minutes of nursing a wriggly, wide awake Felix on my lap, I cracked. I lugged him up the stairs, plonked him in his cot and walked out.

Then the deluge of mama guilt began. Listening to him scream was THE worst. I hated it. I couldn't concentrate or even continue doing anything else. So I listened. And fretted. After fifteen whole minutes of wailing, he was silent. The guilt kicked in further. For the next three hours until my bedtime, I checked on him (slumbering soundly) no less than six times. And in the end, slept in the single bed right next to his cot, for the night. There are days when I really think I'm not cut out for this Mama gig at all. Nothing particularly major needs to happen, but a bad sleep or bedtime episode always brings me down.

Then today, we attended a birthday party for a little friend of Angus' from preschool. Such an interesting experience meeting a whole bunch of new Mama's and children. A lovely old-fashioned home party, with lovely families. And I couldn't have felt more at ease after my disastrous night, because miracle of miracles... they are all going through similar trials at home with their young ones. Ahh, what a relief! Almost complete strangers, with a fresh perspective, who completely understood every word I spoke. I came out of that party brimming with positivity and it felt amazing. And the boys had a blast too!

Lunch & a play at Bondi Beach yesterday


  1. Yes we have those nights, and they are no fun at all! I have done different things for each of the kids, and most of the time it works but sometimes it doesn't. It is those times when it doesn't that I have to keep reminding myself that tomorrow they WILL be smiling and happy and laughing again. Yay for your preschool friends, it is so much better to know we're not alone :) x

  2. I hear you Julie. We have had every angle on poor sleep. No words of wisdom but absolutely no judgement either. Do what you need to to get some sleep. This too shall pass x

  3. Oh, the guilt.
    The nasty, all consuming, lingering guilt.

    You are perfectly cut out for this gig - but you are human too.

    I'm so glad you found some solace in others today.

  4. Been there. Just then. Thanks for sharing, took the edge off my guilt!

  5. Oh Julie, I know what you mean. Last night both girls played up, and it took 90 minutes to get them asleep, I was furious by the end, and exhausted. I love them so much it hurts, but some days I still question what the heck I am doing and wonder if I am fit to be a mother at all. Some days we just need reminding we are not the only ones who have bad days/nights, and that our friends understand all too well what we going through. At the end of the day, our children just want us to be there for them. Have a lovely weekend, I hope bedtimes are nice and smooth for you. Cat xox

  6. Oh sleep deprivation is so tough - both physically and emotionally. Sorry to hear you've had some rough nights - but so lovely that you met some new mamas to talk things through with. It does make such a difference to share. I guess that's why we're all bloggers! x

  7. All my kids are different and different things have worked for them all. At the moment (touch wood) things have been almost OK, but I know they'll turn again and it's those nights that just suck. Sending big hugs and good sleep wishes to you and your boys xoxox
    How fabulous too that you got to meet some new mamas, always exciting!

  8. Oh yes, we've been there too...many, many times. Just when I was beginning to think I had this whole sleep routine down pat with Kaizer, he up and throws a spanner in the works. He's gone back to crawling in with us during the night and I just keep reminding myself that this too shall pass.
    At the end of the day Julie you do what works for both you and Felix :)
    Glad you got to meet some new mums and that sharing your stories helped.

  9. Oh Sweetheart. I really feel for you. We've had so many variants on the trauma we call 'sleeping' - so many that I haven't been able to post about it yet! Hang in there, Honey - you are most definitely not alone. J x

  10. Ah I've been there too. Why don't kids want to go to bed? I love sleep! Someone once told me guilt is a useless emotion, I always try and remember that. Your doing awesome. It will pass, one day he will take him self off to bed ;)


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