But ten years on, married to the true love of my life, paying a mortgage and working hard... the time was right. I'd look at mothers endeavouring to control wayward toddlers in the shops and would wonder just what they were doing wrong. How they were unable to make their child take notice and listen and understand. Surely if they were kind and loving and nurtured that little one, then they wouldn't be having meltdowns of epic proportions in public? At work, I would quietly stew when colleagues spoke of their children unfavourably. How they came to work to get away from them and I recall one woman in particular quite unashamedly admitted she just could not be with her children full time. All of this baffled me somewhat, as I knew once my babies were born, I would want to savour every single minute of time with them and definitely not choose to be running back to work, to escape them?
And now, almost five years into motherhood, I finally see the flipside. Daily. It is so bloody hard. I want to love and adore and do every possible thing under the sun for my boys. And for the most part, I do. But my pre-conceived ideas of parenthood and raising children have totally come to bite me on the proverbial. Those notions of reasoning with screaming two year olds and spending each hour of each day playing and laughing and learning... well, they have flown out the window. It's intense, it's relentless, it's exhausting, it's frustrating and more often than not, incredibly thankless. I am at the tail end of a pretty exceptional year in some regards. A year that has sped by at the speed of light in parts and in others, dragged on mercilessly. I find myself asking 'why didn't anyone tell me it was going to be this hard', a lot lately. And then I remember, that's right, they did. I just didn't want to hear it. Some things you gotta experience, to appreciate. Now I know, twenty nine is quite young enough to take on the responsibility of being a Mama.
When all is said and done, I love (and will forever love) them unconditionally. Would be impossible not to.
You know what Jules? It gets better. One day it just does. And you forget all that stuff (kind of). I am no where near the end of tough times, because they just change and are different, but the frustrations that come from dealing with tantrums and 2 year olds and all that comes with that, well, it just gets easier. I promise. PROMISE. Hang in there, you are doing an amazing job - to exceptionally high standards (I know that about you) with a hard working husband and now a business of your own. It's tough, but you are doing it SO well. Lots of love lady x
ReplyDeleteI remember when i was a preschool teacher (before my own children) being a little surprised by those mums who were SO relieved to get their children back to preschool- and now I must confess to sometimes being on of those mums! I never thought I would be but there you go.
ReplyDeleteI hear you!! For me blogging has helped put it all in perspecitive actually. Finding time to sit and record the fun things, the small things that make our hours, days, weeks different from each other and remembering every day is a new day.
ReplyDeleteWe will always love them unconditionally, and this is why they can test us. They know they can throw all their frustrated little emotions our way and we will still be there at the end of the day......feel honoured they chose YOU xx
Oh boy, does this ring true.
ReplyDeleteSome of my perceptions before children are almost laughable now.
You are such a brilliant Mum, Julie.
xxxx
I wish I didn't know what you were talking about but alas I do! This motherhood gig is a tricky business but even on the shitty days it really is worth it. Hang in there x
ReplyDeleteOh it is hard...and tiring but oh so rewarding....I think I wasn't prepared for how much busier it gets when they get older...i long for the day when they were little again. xx
ReplyDeleteAll of this is so true Jules. And the twos are tough (I think I've forgotten and have it all to look forward to again soon!). There's that saying isn't there - 'I used to be a great Mum before I had kids'. So easy to have this idea of the perfect Mum in your head - but I don't think there is one. We're all equally perfect and sometimes not in our own special ways. Hugs to you x
ReplyDeleteIt is hard, all the time.
ReplyDeleteAll we can do is soak up those awesome moments and ride out the bad ones.
Lately, I find I do more screaming than laughing. I'm hoping it's just exhaustion and that come January, things will settle down again.
x
I hear you!
ReplyDeleteLife is a whole other kettle of fish once your first goes to school, then it takes off on a whole new course! Personally I have always found 4 the hardest and am very glad we are more than half way to 5 for the very last time! Kids definitely teach you humility.
Have a gorgeous weekend,
Sandra x
Oh I hear you lovely, but it does get better and then you find yourself almost wishing for that time all over again - yes even the meltdowns. You are an amazing mum and no one could ever doubt for even a moment that you have anything less than unconditional love for them xx
ReplyDeleteRelentless J, absolutely Relentless, but so much fun to ride the rollercoaster of parenthood!
ReplyDeleteI hear you! And weirdly have just written a post about the same thing. No one can prepare us for how utterly relentless it is...... I guess we just have to suck up the good times to get us through the bad..... you're doing an amazing job.... and like all jobs, you need regular breaks to renew and rejuvenate yourself.. Lots of love..
ReplyDeleteI love your honesty. It is just so hard sometimes. I still have people say the classic "it will fly by" and I think at that moment "this has been the longest day of my life!". Just looking at your photos and hearing your stories tells me you are more than amazing at what you do. Big love. X ashley
ReplyDeleteI love that all your commentors are saying the same things! We are all in this parenting gig together!!!!
ReplyDeleteI hear you, loud and clear! It is so hard. And relentless, and exhausting. But also amazing and beautiful and so special.
ReplyDeleteYou are a fantastic mother, your boys are blessed to have such wonderful parents. Cat xox