But ten years on, married to the true love of my life, paying a mortgage and working hard... the time was right. I'd look at mothers endeavouring to control wayward toddlers in the shops and would wonder just what they were doing wrong. How they were unable to make their child take notice and listen and understand. Surely if they were kind and loving and nurtured that little one, then they wouldn't be having meltdowns of epic proportions in public? At work, I would quietly stew when colleagues spoke of their children unfavourably. How they came to work to get away from them and I recall one woman in particular quite unashamedly admitted she just could not be with her children full time. All of this baffled me somewhat, as I knew once my babies were born, I would want to savour every single minute of time with them and definitely not choose to be running back to work, to escape them?
And now, almost five years into motherhood, I finally see the flipside. Daily. It is so bloody hard. I want to love and adore and do every possible thing under the sun for my boys. And for the most part, I do. But my pre-conceived ideas of parenthood and raising children have totally come to bite me on the proverbial. Those notions of reasoning with screaming two year olds and spending each hour of each day playing and laughing and learning... well, they have flown out the window. It's intense, it's relentless, it's exhausting, it's frustrating and more often than not, incredibly thankless. I am at the tail end of a pretty exceptional year in some regards. A year that has sped by at the speed of light in parts and in others, dragged on mercilessly. I find myself asking 'why didn't anyone tell me it was going to be this hard', a lot lately. And then I remember, that's right, they did. I just didn't want to hear it. Some things you gotta experience, to appreciate. Now I know, twenty nine is quite young enough to take on the responsibility of being a Mama.
When all is said and done, I love (and will forever love) them unconditionally. Would be impossible not to.