Restructure

Sometimes life throws a curve ball and the tricky thing about curve balls is, no one ever sees them coming. Out of the blue, when it's least expected... curve ball. Today, I cried at work for the first time in over 12 years. I fought every inch of my being to hold it back. Smiled. Nodded along in bemusement. Refrained from opening my mouth for as long as I possibly could. But in the end, the tears had to fall. Some situations are simply too overwhelming to remain stoic. Another restructure within my company and this time, my role is on the chopping block. 

I have lived through dozens of restructures and until now, have always been lucky. They are part and parcel in a large company and many friends and colleagues have experienced the exact gut wrenching feeling I faced this morning. My poor manager and human resources representative (who also happens to be a friend), looked pale and shattered as they delivered the news. I felt so deeply for them. No one ever wants to be the messenger. And that's precisely what they were. So many emotions surged through me. I felt numb. In a dream state, where I heard the words, but none of them actually registered. When I did eventually respond, I couldn't make sense of what I wanted to convey. Instead, I smiled and blubbered and nervously laughed and smiled and blubbered and flapped my hands around my face, in a vain attempt to cool the prickly hot sensation. It was everything I imagined a redundancy conversation to be like and more.

This is the biggest round of role redundancies in our company, since the GFC hit in 2008/09. 'Streamlining' and 'cost cutting' have been part of the theme bandied about for weeks now. In my heart of hearts, I always knew this role was a dream come true for a Mama seeking part time employment. I've had it good. But all good things must come to an end. I understand and accept this. I am not the only one thrust into this boat of uncertainty. Friends of mine have also been informed about the fate of their roles today. Now, we're left with decisions and options and thank goodness, there are options. This company does do the redeployment thing well. So now I'm just letting the dust settle on the day. Reviewing the situation. Thinking rationally. Staying composed. Because it isn't the worst thing in the world, more a bump in the road. The right path will become apparent before too long and I'm blessed to have a wealth of incredible people to help support me along the way.